Dear Love,
I guess this is the first hand writing letter that I do for you, and probably the last one. Sometimes I would like to tell you so many things, but most of what I feel is hard to translate to words. Still, I´ll do my best. I´ve been thinking so much in what the whole experience in you´re home twon meant to me, how affected me, how changed me, how improved me. Wonderful things happened to me in there and you are one of the most meaningful, special and unforgettable ones. You are for much the better man that I have ever loved. You are the first man to who I said “te amo” (I guess I explained to you the difference between “te quiero” and “te amo” in Spanish). You are a wonderful friend, an extraordinary father, a compassionate man, and a great partner and boyfriend.
I´ve been missing you every single day since I met you, and I am missing you a lot more now. You voice, you smell, your hands, your incredible eye lashes, your kisses. I miss the way you hug me and how happy I was when I realized in the middle of the night that your warm body was laying there, next to me. And I´ll be missing your food, and the way you look at me, and your laugh. I am going to miss the way you listened to me and try to understand me (when that´s really hard even for me).
You know that, even when I am crying now, I am feeling so bless and happy because the dear Lord gave me the gift of your presence in my life as a proof of his love. I am thankful for all the time we spend together, for the good moments and those ones that weren´t that good. I would love to say that we can get much further just because I love you this much, but despite of it I know (and I know that you know too) that all my love is not enough to make you happy. And knowing that really hurts. It hurts in a strong and a deep way, as deep and strong as my feelings for you.
I cannot stand the idea of saying good bye to you, again, and forever as my lover, partner, and boyfriend. It is hard to do not think in the life that I dreamed once for both of us, together. It is hard not to be sad when those ideas come to my mind. But I know that you deserve all the happiness in the world and I cannot provide it to you, no matter how hard I try (and you know I can be stubborn as you). It is clear that you´ll find the right person for you. Maybe you found her already. And I want to be happy for you, because the happiness of those ones that we love supposed to make us a little happier too. And I love you. And I would never ever choose to stop love you, even if I could.
I would love to tell you all this with a peaceful voice and a big smile while I hold your hand. But even if I try, I would be just crying for hours in front of you and looking awful. So, I´ll keep writing: dear love, I respect you, I admire you, and I´ll keep you, and all our time together deep in my heart and mind. You made me realized how special I am just because you love me. And if a man like you can love me as you did, that means that I deserve no less than a great guy like you. And I´ll be looking for that guy and for my happiness back in Mexico.
This ink on this piece of paper is my way to thank you, for all that you teach me, for all that you made me feel, for all that you share with me (specially, your kids, your Mom, your family, your friends). This is my way to say that I am so sorry for not being the one for you. I know you´ll take care of the big part of my heart that belongs to you. That one would stay at Dallas, while I learn how to love you this much without the pain. This is my way to say good bye to my lover, partner, and boyfriend. This is me thanking God and you for the chance of being your friend.
